mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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