i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
