i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
