so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
