grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
