now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
