oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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