Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
