btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
