Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
