By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize