he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
