she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
