Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
