so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
