how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your cock deserves a montage
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
