apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
