That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
