So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
