I'm so fucking centered right now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
