Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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