remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
