I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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