2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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