what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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