Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
