ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
