My hand turned me down
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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