Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
