when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
