remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
