pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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