It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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