i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
