you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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