benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
