All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
