I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Floor bacon is actually really good
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
