Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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