Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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