I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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