She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
