Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
