Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
