i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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