come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
