I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
