His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
