Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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