She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
