I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
