I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
