4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
