My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
