Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
